Is it a burden to share your sadness?

Posted by jimma

We all get quite a few messages from far and wide telling us how much Josh is missed –  today Joe received this note on his Facebook page from a friend of Josh’s

“I miss your brother so much, Joe…. Some people talk and some people can express who they are through their eyes and Josh was someone who when you looked into his eyes you could read so much”

He then continued .. “I hope you are not offended by me sending you this message …. Not sure I should be burdening you with my emotions but wanted you to know () how much I miss him.”

When Jane read the message she wondered why he feels he’d be a burden by sharing his sadness.

“Being bereaved can be lonely but this is largely because of peoples discomfort about being around bereaved people.   Mainly because THEY feel uncomfortable and don’t know how to BE.   But this is a  two way thing. I know sometimes I can’t be bothered with people. But its also important for us to let people know what WE need and help them to talk about it if they want to.”

 

 

 

The Young Man on the Hill – by Lyndsey Gill

Posted by jimma

 

From all over our neighbourhood Josh,s tree can be seen on the hill on the other side of the valley.

It  catches my breath and is a huge comfort as I walk the paths and hills of Chalford Hill.

Lyndsey captured its importance beautifully in her short poem which she read at our first public screening of Remembering Josh.

Thanks Lyndsey (Jane)

 

There’s a young man on the hill

I see him clear against the morning sky

There’s a young man on the hill

Say hello as you pass by

 

I see his tree standing straight and tall

I see his bench with its beautiful view

See him often, speak his name

As I wander these fields and walk the lane

 

There’s a young man on the hill

I see him bright against the evening sky

There’s a young man on the hill

Give him a nod as you pass by

 

 

 

Lyndsey Gill

 

January 2012

 

Memories by Lyndsey Gill

Posted by jimma

Some words here from Lyndsey Gill.     Lyndsey is the mum of Jess, one of Josh’s best friends from school and she writes with a wonderful clarity and economy producing images so sharp you can almost smell the air they breathe.

Thanks Lyndsey for some beautiful memories

(Jimmy)

 

Joshua, Joshua,

Sweeter than lemon squash you are……

This is the song my Mum used to sing to Josh.

Joshua, Joshua……Josh.

The beautiful boy who came to Corsica with us. Gentle, funny, intelligent, brave….

Josh and Jess, in the mountains, diving from a high rock into a deep pool, momentarily transformed in the air, beautiful young boys swift and clean as kingfishers. Then back to gangly lads, limbs spread on a rock to dry in the sunshine.

Josh and Jess, delivering leaflets for the Indian takeaway.

They shuffle off in their huge trainers, laces undone, their baggy jeans falling down.

I run out into the road after them and call out, laughing, “Do up your laces! Pull up your trousers! Move!”

They turn and smile at me, gently, “yeah, yeah” with all the folly and wisdom of youth.

Then they shuffle off up the road, round the corner, out of sight……

 

 

 

A poem by Hilary Burgess

Posted by jimma

Our dear friend Hilary lives a mile from Josh’s tree and can see it from her bedroom window. Every morning when she opens her curtains she tells me she thinks of Josh as she sees his tree on the hill across the valley.

Her poem was written on the first anniversary of his death.  (Jane)

 

 

Josh’s tree

Each morning, drawing open the curtains on a new day –
looking over the valley to the hilltop above Westley Farm:

Three trees stand guardian in the hedgerow
bearing witness to a fourth
that is growing to join them.

Josh’s tree:
planted for a life cut short
but cherished in our hearts –
a son, a brother,friend, son of friend.

A year has passed –
slowly, painfully
But his tree is slowly growing
A testament to his life and those who loved him

Each day the light changes on the hilltop:
now the dawn: a tongue of fire
illuminates the tree from the east;

Now a sea of light mist fills the valley,
the trees sailing wonderously above;

Now driving rain envelopes the valley
Under grey clouds;

Now the evening sun warms the hillside
And Josh’s tree grows copper;

And then at night, drawing the curtains to,
the moon casts lengthy arboreal shadows
and the stars watch over
Josh’s tree

Hilary Burgess
16 Jan 2012

 

 

 

 

A poem by John Burnside

Posted by jimma

Here is a poem by John Burnside, recently published in THE LONDON REVIEW OF BOOKS, written in response to some ancient beliefs that the body as well as the soul is immortal and could at any time re-emerge from the grave.        For me the poem provokes strong feelings not about Joshua rising from the dead, but of all the things we have done to keep him alive. What I mean is to keep his memory alive.   But still that terror still lurks as part of my grief – that terror that impossibly Joshua is not dead and will fulfill my deepest wish and walk in through the door.

 

We wanted to seal his mouth
with a handful of clay,
to cover his eyes
with the ash of the last

bonfire he made
at the rainiest edge
of the garden

and didn’t we think, for a moment,
of crushing his feet
so he couldn’t return to the house
at Halloween,

to stand at the window,
smoking and peering in,
the look on his face

like that flaw in the sway of the world
where mastery fails
and a hinge in the mind
swings open – grief

or terror coming loose
and drifting, like a leaf,
into the flames.

 

Beyond Goodbye at Southbank festival – a review

Posted by jimma

Here’s a great review from our friend Jack Nathan about Jane and Joes talk at the festival of death for the living …………………………………………….

 

Attending the ‘Everything you always wanted to know about funerals (but were afraid to ask)’ session was always going to be painful. I went in dread and ‘excited’ anticipation as I knew I was going to hear from two panel members, Jane (mother) and Joe (brother), talking about surviving the profound and still raw grief of losing Josh: a young man lost to an arbitrary event, euphemistically labelled, ‘a road traffic accident’, thousands of miles from home, whilst on a ‘trip of his lifetime’ in Vietnam. Continue reading →

Coping with Grief via Facebook

Posted by jimma

We like to give big thanks to Tom Kihl who has helped enormously to build this website – (well he’s done the whole thing really).

We first heard about Tom in the days after Josh died when we were alerted to his blog   Coping with Grief via Facebook.

Tom was on the train to work when he read about Josh’s accident on Facebook and wonders whether social media with all their trivialities are the best place to be dealing with death and grief. But  he also suggests that “for all the scare stories about social networks eroding cultural values, they equally offer a very traditional form of support during difficult times. And if they make speaking about – and therefore coping with – death a little easier for us collectively then that is surely only a benefit to society, however we end up redrawing the lines of etiquette and media behaviour.”

I find this a fascinating idea – if only because our friend Jessica Nathan (she of wonderful voice at Josh’s funeral) also commented – “people don’t really die on-line”   – discuss!

 

 

The Daily Undertaker interview with Jane and Jimmy

Posted by jimma

Here’s a link to an interview we did with Patrick McNally of THE DAILY UNDERTAKER Patrick asked some very interesting questions about how we organised Josh’s funeral, why we chose to “do it ourselves”, what it meant for us to create our own funeral rite for Josh.


“I was so driven by the wish not to be afraid that Josh was dead but had no idea how to do that but by the end of the celebration of his life I somehow felt a lot less afraid than I had done.” Jane

“Two young police officers had brought us the news of Joshua’s death and for his body to be committed by more unknowns felt just too much – you can’t hug a policeman, neither did I feel like hugging an undertaker – it felt like the only way to properly deal with this was to gather family and friends around and share our grief, and not just for half an hour at the “crem”. Jimmy

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Funerals (But Were Afraid to Ask)

Posted by jimma


We have been asked to speak at Death: The Southbank Centre’s Festival For The Living on 28th January, which will be exactly a year to the day since Josh’s funeral.

Information on the weekend of special events, talks, workshops and performances is here on the Southbank Centre’s website.

Our event is as follows, with entry gained with the Saturday Festival Day Pass.

Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Funerals (but Were Afraid to Ask)
3 – 4pm, The Front Room at Queen Elizabeth Hall
When 22 year old Josh Harris-Edmonds died in 2011, the Harris-Edmonds family lost a beloved brother and son. The first thing they realised was that funerals are for the living. They arranged the funeral themselves and made a beautiful film of the ceremony. This special event is held on the anniversary of Josh’s funeral, with a panel including Josh’s mother Jane and his half-brother Joe who will show ‘Beyond Goodbye’ – a trailer for the film documenting Josh’s funeral. They will be joined by Charles Cowling of the Good Funeral Guide, and funeral directors including Chandu Tailor who specialises in Hindu and Sikh funerals. The panel, chaired by Lucy Neal, will dispel common funeral myths and show the different ways that funerals can help say goodbye.